"Tired" doesn't even come close....

If you know someone with a chronic illness, give them a hug.  They need it.  Trust me.  Unless a hug would hurt them...then give them a fist bump, a nod, a wave...some acknowledgement that you SEE their journey.

Right now, "tired" doesn't even come close to describing how I feel.
Take a pillow....beat the living TAR out of it...and expect it to keep its shape.  That's close to how I feel.

I keep pushing....for my family's sake.  No one asked my kids if they wanted to be born to a mother with multiple chronic illnesses.  No one told my husband there'd be more "sickness" than "health" in our marriage.  No one asked my momma if it would be okay that I didn't have enough energy to pick up the phone after a day of dealing with life.  I push through things for my friends' sake, too....everyone is too good to me....too understanding, too loving, too nourishing and friendly.  Even when I'm at my worst.

When I don't have "enough"....how do I keep accepting what life gives?  I titled this blog "Life is a vacuum" because truly, I have moments that literally SUCK and then those that are so wonderful they take my breath away.  

B was teasing in church today that I was okay because I was caffeinated and medicated.  Sad thing is, he's right.  That's about the only way I can face the world lately. One of my clients complains that life isn't fair.  I'm about to tell him to pull up a spot for me to join his party.

So, why keep going?  I know this world is not my home.  The answers I'm given with this life are not "the final answers".  I have the hope of eternity with Christ.  I don't know why this journey is not easier...for me, or for many of my friends...

I have to know that some day, I will hear my Father say "Well done, enter into rest"....and then I won't be tired....anymore....

until that day comes, though....